Wasteland
by gooey world
Summary: After Infinity War, the lost heroes end up in a wasteland. Is it Heaven? Hell? The Soul Stone? The author might not even know. Tensions run high, especially with the unexpected visitor: Deadpool. But Spider-Man might not mind the quirky, genderless, merc-with-a-mouth. *Chapters vary in length, rated M for drugs, language, & possible future sexy times, reviews motivate me to write*
1. Chapter One

Chapter One  
Two minutes after the disintegration

"Ohhh... ow... God..." Peter moaned, waking up from his unconscious state. "My head..." His head hurt like hell. His body felt like it had gone through a slaughterhouse. Spider-Man's vision was clouded and swarmed with floating, black spots. He vomited onto the sandy ground and then rolled over on his back to get away from the bile.

The pain was fading fast, though, and his senses were beginning to come back. His eyes cleared, and he looked around to see an utter wasteland— with his friends all writhing in pain on the ground, too. The ringing in his ears stopped, and he could hear their collective struggle to get up. Other than that, the place was deathly quiet, with no wind at all.

Peter managed to find his balance and groggily stood up. His legs were weak like they hadn't been used in years.

Everything came back. The memories, the pain, the guilt at leaving Tony, the fear of death, the grief. Spider-Man doubled over in pain again, but this time it was emotional.

At least he wasn't alone. The other heroes —he could make out T'challa and Starlord, and was that Bucky?— were in the same pain he was in. Wanda was sobbing with Mantis and Groot, and Starlord looked like he was having a panic attack. Hell, Nick Fury looked rattled.

Only Dr. Strange seemed calm, really. He was doing some kind of magic, with that weird, sparking, glowing, power.

And then, in this place of misery, and grief, and utter loss and heartbreak, Peter turned toward a sound he would never have dreamed to have heard.

"Oh! I have all my fingers, the knife goes chop! Chop! Chop! I have all my toes, too, I'm here, I'm queer, and there's nothing you can do about it!" The sing-song voice came from the manic, infamous Deadpool, who was currently skipping around with their katanas in his hands, sweeping them through the air.

Everyone stared.

"All the single ladies! All the single ladies! All the-"

"Deadpool." Fury was, well, furious. "What on Earth-"

"Oh, but you see, babe, we're not on Earth anymore! We're all dead!" Deadpool laughed manically before they continued. "You all are moping around like a bunch of-"

"Who is this man?" T'challa asked.

"Not a man, but I don't blame ya! It's they/them, for future reference. Anyway. You should be celebrating! I'm finally dead! Shut up, Yellow, I know! We're dead!" Deadpool kept singing and laughing happily, and the heroes shared worried and annoyed glances, except for Peter Quill, who was still having that panic attack.

"Can we all agree to ignore Deadpool?" Fury said, clearly annoyed. The heroes nodded in agreement.

Peter didn't agree to ignore Deadpool. Spider-Man had only met the anti-hero a few times before, but they had been nice enough, although very sexual and Peter doubted that 'Pool could take anything seriously in their life.

As if they had read Spidey's mind, the anti-hero sat next to Peter on the ground.

"Ignore me?" They groaned. "But I need constant attention, isn't that right, Spidey-poo?"

"I never said I was ignoring you, 'Pool." The Spider said quietly.

"Good thing! 'Cause you're the only one that ever gets my pronouns right. And you've got a cute ass!"

Peter was happy that his mask was covering his flushed face.

"So, Bug, are we in heaven?"

Peter had never actually considered the possibility. After a moment of thought, he said slowly,

"No, I don't think so. I think we're trapped inside the soul stone."

"Does that mean we're not actually dead?" The anti-hero pouted.

Spider-Man grimaced. "Sorry to burst your bubble, Deadpool."

The mercenary didn't seem to be too disheartened. "Aww... it's okay, Itsy-Bitsy! You're here, so me and White and Yellow are all good! Shut up, White!"

"What are they saying?" Peter was blushing again.

The merc tsked. "Can't tell ya that, Sweetums. Not yet anyway."

The few moments of silence were enough for Peter to feel the weight of everything again. Deadpool had been distracting him really well...

"Deadpool?" Spider-Man asked softly.

"Call me Wade, Baby Boy, if you want."

"Wade... are-are we gonna be okay? I-I don't wanna die-"

For once, Deadpool didn't respond verbally, at least at first. The merc wrapped his strong arms around the Spider, pulling him into a hug. Peter sobbed, it was all so overwhelming, but Wade was here, all around him; Wade felt warm, and big, and safe.

"Baby, I don't know," they murmured. "I wish I did, I wish I could tell you. But we'll try our very hardest to get outta here, ain't that right, Little Spider?"

Peter nodded. It was so nice that Wade gave it to him straight. He could handle it, and they knew that, and it wasn't some lie you would tell a child. The two of them sat like that for a minute or two, before they heard arguing coming from the groups that were beginning to form.

"I will not let you take control, Strange; what experience do you have as a leader?" Nick Fury barked.

"Listen to me, Fury," Strange was deadly calm. "You speak of experience; what experience do you have with the stones? We both know I'm our best chance at getting out of here alive."

"We have so little chance, it doesn't matter!" Fury argued back.

"Fury! You have no idea what you're up against-"

"You think I haven't heard that one before, Strange?" The two stared at each other, eyes narrowed. Peter's eyes widened when he saw Fury's hand on his gun. T'challa saw it too.

"Mr. Fury, you're a good man," the Black Panther said quietly. "We cannot allow this to tear us apart. We must focus on the real problem at hand."

"I don't care who's in charge. I just want to destroy Thanos." Drax supplied unhelpfully. "I must avenge the deaths of my-"

"Who's this guy?" Fury asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"I am Drax the Destroyer, I have come to avenge the deaths of my wife and-"

"Okay, well Drax the Destroyer needs to take a seat." Fury mumbled.

"There are no seats to take?" Drax questioned.

"I am Groot." Said Groot.

"Can anyone speak Groot?" Maria Hill asked.

"I can," T'challa said. "I know more than twenty languages, Groot isn't a difficult one." Everyone stared. "He said: Drax takes everything literally." T'challa continued. "I agree with Drax. I believe we should have no official leader. We must not be divided in our cause."

"Aren't they just hysterical?" Wade giggled in Peter's ear. "Cuties."


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

Three hours after the disintegration

A group was beginning to form. Order was returning.

Mantis began relaxing people who were distressed. She put Starlord to sleep and calmed Wanda so that she was in a sort of trance-like state. She even came around to Peter (apparently his outburst earlier was known to those outside of Wade) and asked if he wanted to be calmed, but he shook his head vehemently. No mind control today.

Maria Hill, a SHIELD agent who stuck close to Nick Fury, had some basic first aid training. Her and T'challa began patching up people's wounds.

Dr. Strange assumed a sort of happy medium between leader and led by teaching heroes how to meditate. Deadpool was very enthusiastic about that and begged Peter to join them.

"Look, Spidey, please please please IjustknowitwillhelpyouandI'vealwayswantedtotry!" Peter pressed his hands over his ears. Wade was practically screaming.

"Please... my Spidey-sense is too overwhelmed with you yell like that..." Peter groaned from all the noise so close to his ears.

"Oh!" Wade said, much quieter. "I had a friend who got sensory overload, too. I'm sorry, Baby Boy, won't happen again, scout's honor."

The pair then learned how to meditate, but Peter wondered how much of it was for Wade's sake, really, because the anti-hero squirmed the whole time. Spider-Man blushed and smiled with the realization that it hadn't been for Wade's benefit, at all. Deadpool had done it for him.

And it did help, weirdly enough. Spidey could be content for a little while with thinking about nothing at all. That was better than thinking about everything bad that had happened in the past few hours. That was a gift within itself, thought Peter, and made a mental note to thank Dr. Strange eventually.

Peter was tracing his finger through the orange-tinted sand of the wasteland when the low mutters of conversation stopped. Something had changed, and he and 'Pool looked up to see none other than Vision walking towards them.

"Spider-Babe," Deadpool whispered. "Am I hallucinatin' again, or is Vision walking towards us right now?"

Spider-Man didn't really like how Wade said again, but he let it slide. "You're not hallucinating. That really is Vision."

"What the fuck?" Wade mumbled, just as Wanda broke from her trance and ran to meet Vision, sobbing into his arms. The cyborg wept, too, which was something that Peter had previously thought could not happen. Vision wiped Wanda's tears and kissed her, and whispered something in her ear. Peter's heart fluttered at the display of affection and real love. He was such a romantic.

"Wade, let's see what Vision has to say, yeah?" The hero pulled Deadpool along to the inner circle of everyone, and after Vision calmed, they all listened expectantly.

"I apologize, I don't- I don't know what happened." Vision was still clearly perplexed. Peter noticed that there was no yellow stone on his forehead. "I was dead- but now- I apologize."

Wanda was gripping his hand tightly, and her head rested on his shoulder. Tears still flowed from her eyes.

"My only guess is that the stone chose me to be here."

Silence, except for Wanda's sniffing.

Vision continued. "Why is it only you here? Why are there only heroes here? Why not any regular people?"

More silence. Peter had never considered that.

"It's probably the author not wanting to deal with all the normal people. Y'know, make this a 'hero only' fic. More exciting that way." Deadpool mumbled.

"What is he going on about?" Fury asked.

"It's they/them, bitch!" Deadpool shouted.

"Wade," Peter's voice shook a little. "What are you talking about?"

"Peter, let us handle this." Dr. Strange said, a little too gently. Peter's face fell. They were all treating him like a kid again...

"You're bullying him," Wade said firmly.

"We're trying to keep him safe from murderers like you." Maria Hill's comment bit into Peter.

"Oh, like you've never killed anyone before? Leave us alone. C'mon, Spider-Man." Wade held out his hand to help Peter get up, and Peter wouldn't let go of him after that.

It was getting dark, but with the lingering light, Wade could see the wet spots under the eyes of Spidey's mask.

"Oh, baby, baby, are you crying? It's okay, shhh..." Peter took off his mask, and Wade tried not to stare at his beautiful, distressed face.

"Wade," he said, his voice small. "I'm okay."

"I know you are, beautiful, I know, you're so much better than okay. You're not a kid in my eyes, okay Spidey? You're strong, you're so strong. Fuck all of them. They think they're so goddamn high and mighty, that they can just treat you like a child when you were just trying to help!"

Peter could feel the fury rolling off the merc in waves. Tears pricked at his eyes again, but this time because of the way Wade was acting; they really cared, they were really trying, and that's more than what he could say about the Avengers.

Peter looked up at Wade. They were so tall, towering over the boy at nearly 6'3". Spider-Man stepped closer to the anti-hero and took both of their hands in his own.

"Wade... Thank you. You're so-you're so good at this."

Wade was blushing under their own mask, this time. Peter took a deep breath, and said,

"My name is Peter Parker. Strange mentioned it earlier. I would've rather told you myself, but... This'll have to do." Wade's mask stretched with their smile.

"Petey, I'm Wade Wilson, A.K.A Deadpool, A.K.A the Merc with a Mouth. But you can call me Daddy." Deadpool winked, the mask moving to match their facial expression.

"No! God, no, eww, Wade!" It's too bad Peter's mask was off now, he thought, because Wade could plainly see the flush that had spread across Peter's face.

After that(very awkward) moment passed, Peter asked,

"Wade, will you take off your mask? I can never tell what you're thinking."

Wade reacted instantly, releasing Peter's hands and scratching the back of their neck. They were suddenly fidgety and jumpy, and the emotions Peter was reading from Wade were all anxiety.

"Well, you see, honey, that's not a good idea, because imagine the worst face you've ever seen, yeah? And then hit it with a flamethrower. A fucking flamethrower. And then bulldoze it. Exfoliating doesn't work, sweetie, dermatologists hate me-"

"Woah, 'Pool, I think that's enough self-deprecation for one day. You don't have to take it off, but I'm sure it's not half as bad as what you're saying." Spidey reasoned.

"Maybe another time," Deadpool mumbled. Peter decided not to push the issue, and ended with a simple "okay."

The yelling began again from the other side of the group.

"We will surely not survive if we stay here," came T'challa's reason. "There is no water and no food here. We must go-"

"I'm not sure that you're right. I haven't felt hungry or thirsty since I've come here." Strange said calmly. Everyone was quiet for a moment.

"Still," T'challa replied. "I am not one to wait around here any longer. I say we leave tomorrow to wander this wasteland."

"I am Groot." Said Groot.

"He said that he does not know the rules of time and space here, but he hopes to understand them more fully by exploring." T'challa translated.

"Cat-Boy got all of that out of 'I am Groot'? There's no way he's really translating." Wade hissed in Peter's ear.

Spider-Man wished the sun was up so that he could see everyone's body language more clearly. The arguments died down a bit after that, with only terse whispers that even Peter's Spidey hearing couldn't make out.

"Wade, can we sleep?" Asked Peter softly. Wade chuckled.

"You don't have to ask for permission, Baby Boy. Of course we can."

Deadpool let Peter use their arm as a pillow, and Spidey stuck close to their side for warmth. Without the hot sun, deserts got cold at night, but the mercenary always seemed warm to the touch.


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

One day after the disintegration

Peter was the first one awake out of the entire group of heroes. He woke slowly, groggily, with the morning light kissing his face. It was only then that he realized there was no sun, just a blanket of light in the morning.

Spider-Man also wasn't hungry, but his wounds didn't seem to be healing, either. It was a strange state of limbo, he realized, and there didn't seem to be a way out.

He glanced over at Deadpool, who was snoring softly, still in their leather suit. The changing dynamic of the group was stressful, and the grief still clung to his back, stubbornly, but at least Peter could trust the anti-hero.

Woah, where did that thought come from? Spider-Man shook his head, confused. It wasn't like he couldn't trust T'challa, or Bucky, or Dr. Strange... even if they did speak so condescendingly to him sometimes, and they didn't seem to care if he was okay...

Peter supposed it was only logical that he latched onto Wade so easily. Logical.

Spider-Man looked back at the sleeping mercenary. They were leaned in towards Peter, and their chest rose and fell, the sight calming Peter again. He sighed and buried his head in the anti-hero's chest. His eyes fluttered shut, and he was asleep.


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

One day, one hour after the disintegration

Something grabbed Spider-Man.

Peter's eyes flew open, panicked. He threw a punch at the figure hovering over him, his heart racing.

" 'aby 'oy, I thin' ya bro' my jaw!" 'Pool laughed, startled. The mercenary shoved their jaw back into place with a gruesome crunch of bone on bone.

"Oh my gosh, Wade, I'm so sorry! I didn't-"

"Don't worry 'bout it, Sweets. I startled you," Wade was still laughing. Spidey sighed in relief. "Look, Cat-Boy is leaving. I woke ya in case you wanted to go with them."

Peter rubbed his eyes and saw the group leaving. T'challa, Wanda, Vision, Drax, and Groot were all walking into the horizon. Spidey shook his head.

"Let's stay here. They're not gonna find anything."

"You got it, babe." Deadpool winked, and Peter blushed. Wade absentmindedly ran a gloved hand through the Spider's curls and started singing.

"Big wheels keep on turning, carry me home to my kin, singin' songs about the south-land..." Wade sang softly at first but, got louder as he got closer to the chorus.

"Well, I hope Neil Young will remember, a southern man don't..." Peter smiled at Wade, soaking in the moment.

They sang the chorus together, loudly. "Sweet Home Alabama!" Wade added in a guitar riff that sounded nothing like a guitar. "Where the skies are so blue! Sweet home Alabama!" Peter knew he was off-key, but Wade didn't mind. "I'm comin' home to you!"

Strange glared daggers at them— apparently he had been trying to meditate. Peter blushed and stopped singing, but Wade sang even louder, directing their voice away from Spidey's ears so that the boy wouldn't get sensory overload again.

"Now Watergate doesn't bother me! Does your conscience bother you, tell me the truth!" Wade belted out happily. Spider-Man was anxious as Strange began striding quickly over to the two of them. His red cape looked menacing.

Strange went right up to Deadpool and stared at him. Dr. Strange was tall, but Wade still had to look down a bit to see him properly. Of course, the merc ignored him and kept singing.

"Sweet Home, Alabama! De-now-now-nah-nah-now! I'm comin' home to you!" They pointed right at the incredibly irritated Strange.

"Deadpool, if you'd please-"

"Sweet home-"

"Deadpool!"

"-Alabama! I'm- agh- ow!" Strange broke Deadpool's arm.

Peter gasped. It had all happened in an instant, but there were those conjured, sparking ropes that Dr. Strange makes, and they had wrapped tight around 'Pool's arm and yanked. A sickening crack filled the air, and Deadpool stared at him for a moment.

Then, the mercenary flew through the air, executing a spinning kick aimed at the man's side. Strange barely dodged the boot, and now Fury was running over, and Peter panicked because oh my God, now people he looked up to were fighting each other.

"Please! Stop fighting!" Spider-Man cried out helplessly, and he tried to web Strange's arm even though he knew he should save fluid. Strange deflected the blow, and now Fury was coming towards him, guns raised.

"Spider-Man, stop fighting for him, he's a murderer." Fury's deep voice grated against Peter, scraping against his ears.

"You're the one pointing guns at me!" Peter yelled as he leaped out of the way of the barrels and towards the bigger fight between the merc and the magician.

"Wade, stop!" Peter cried out again, just as Deadpool was about to land a punch. Surprisingly, they did stop, mid-punch, and stared at the Spider. Strange took the opportunity to throw them on the ground with some invisible force.

'Pool rolled over and up, and suddenly the merc was standing in front of Spider-Man, guns pointed at Strange and Fury.

Deadpool was breathing hard, and they glanced for a second to check on Peter, but then kept their eyes on their targets. Bucky, Mantis, Maria Hill, and Starlord were all there, too. Maria stood by Fury, but Bucky went over Peter and Wade.

"Deadpool," Bucky said lowly. "Strange shouldn't have done that, but you need to put the guns down."

Wade's smile stretched his mask. "Oh, of course, Cyborg-Arm! But only when Cap'n Jack Sparrow over there puts his away, too. Seriously, what is with the eyepatch?"

"Guys, I'd rather not have us kill each other..." Peter Quill's voice came scratchy after the day of being quiet from his emotional turmoil.

Fury put his guns away reluctantly, and Wade did the same.

"As promised." Deadpool winked.

"Listen, Deadpool," Fury snarled. "You-"

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, threatening me again? That's dumb of you!"

"Goddamnit 'Pool! I want you out of here, understand? Leave our little group. Now." Fury was angrier than Peter had ever seen him, and Spider-Man couldn't help but be intimidated. Wade didn't seem to be bothered.

"I'd love nothing more, cock-face!" Deadpool spat. "Wanna come, Petey?"

Peter froze. He started hyperventilating.

Spider-Man didn't deal with these sorts of things. Spider-Man webbed up bad guys, all cut and dry. No maybe's about it. Spider-Man's job was easy because right and wrong were so clearly defined.

But this was a gray area. And Spider-Man started panicking.

"Spidey, you okay?" Wade said, concerned. "Woah, relax, babe, take a breath. Breathe with me. In, out. In, out. In, out." Peter breathed. "Better?" Wade asked. Peter nodded.

"Focus on tangible things, Baby Boy. What can you feel? What can you see? What can you smell?" Wade whispered into Peter's ear. Spider-Man relaxed, finally.

"Peter, don't go with him," Fury said gently. "Remember who he is, he's a killer, Peter."

"Goddamn it, fuckers, it's they/them! I'll even use it in a sentence, listen: Peter, don't go with them. Remember who they are. They're a killer. See? Not hard!" Deadpool was frustrated. Spidey grabbed their hand, and they seemed to instantly relax.

"You're all killers," Peter's stomach hurt. "I'm a killer. I've killed people by accident. Many of you have killed on purpose. At least Wade is open about it. They're not a hypocrite. But you all are." Spider-Man looked up at Wade, his mask off, and his face vulnerable, and said, "I'd much rather be with you than a bunch of hypocrites."

Deadpool's mask's eyes widened comically. "W-w- Ahem. Well, you heard the man. We're out." They squeezed the boy's hand reassuringly, and the pair walked away, into the horizon.


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

One day, three hours after the disintegration

Peter was still holding Wade's hand, and he had to admit it felt pretty nice. So he had to distract himself.

"Vision had good questions, Wade," Spider-Man said, thoughtful. "Why do you think it's only us heroes?"

Deadpool laughed. "It's cute that you think I'm a hero, love."

Peter sighed. "You know what I mean, 'Pool."

"Yeah, yeah sorry, babe," the mercenary smiled sheepishly. "I dunno, I guess Vision's guess that the stone 'chose him' would apply to us, too, right? Like if the stone could choose things, that means it's probs alive, right? Maybe it doesn't like scrotum-chin. I sure wouldn't."

Peter stared at Wade in awe, ignoring how they called Thanos a penis. "Wade, you're a genius! That makes perfect sense."

"Aww, thanks, Petey-Pie. I don't get that particular compliment very often. Sexiest person alive? Hundreds of times. Hilariously witty? Constantly-"

"Wade."

"Sorry kiddo. Got carried away." The merc winked, maybe for the third time today.

"It's okay, I just... that implies that the soul stone thinks it's only chance is to put us together and form..." Peter's eyes went wide.

"Fuck no! There's no way I'm going all Avengers with those clowns." Deadpool protested. Spider-Man didn't disagree. Everyone had been pretty miserable to each other in this past day, and that's low for a bunch of heroes.

"Shut the fuck up!" Deadpool yelled out, suddenly. They were grabbing their head like they had a splitting headache. Peter touched their arm, concerned. "God, they won't shut up! This is my fucking head!" Wade was angry.

Peter pulled them down to sit on the sandy ground. "What are they saying?" He whispered as if any small noise would bother the merc.

Deadpool groaned. "Yellow keeps telling me to do what you said, to team up with everyone and fight our way out. White wants to die, so they keep saying to kill everyone. If only so we can die here, in this wasteland." They turned to Peter. "I hate them."

Spider-Man didn't know how to respond, so he just hugged Wade tightly. Deadpool sniffed.

"Why doesn't anyone ever get my pronouns right?" Wade asked, their voice soft. Peter was alarmed at the lack of pet names and dick jokes, and he knew that the mercenary was serious.

Spider-Man frowned. "I think it's because they see it as inconvenient. And they don't seem to like you." Peter pulled away from the hug to see Wade's expression, and he wished they weren't wearing their mask.

"Should we try and catch up to Black Panther and the others?" Peter wondered after Wade calmed down.

"Yeah, babe, sounds like a plan," Deadpool's voice was normal again. "Can I hold your hand?"

Peter blushed. "Uh... y-yeah. Sure! I mean, if you want." Spider-Man cursed himself for being so goddamn awkward. Wade's smile was huge; even under the mask, it was very apparent. But the pair walked in comfortable silence.

"You also present as pretty masculine," Peter said out of nowhere.

"Huh?"

"For why they never get your pronouns right. It shouldn't matter, but it does to most people."

Wade laughed. "Oh, honey," they said, only half kidding. "You should see me in a dress."

Spider-Man forced himself to breathe. He did not need to think about that right now, nope, not even a little bit. Those feelings could be confronted later. Stop thinking. Stop.

"I'd kill for some booze, Sweets," Wade was rambling. "Some vodka. What are you like drunk? You're probably real cute. I bet you'd cuddle and be all giggly and shit. Have you ever-"

"I don't drink." Peter said simply and waited for 'Pool to say something condescending.

"That's cool. It's shitty stuff, really." Wade yawned.

Peter grinned. Usually, people would call him a prude, or a loser, or uptight. Or even ask why in that awful tone. This was a nice change.

"Do you smoke, love?" Wade looked at him curiously. "Only askin' 'cause I might have an emergency stash somewhere."

"No."

"Do y'mind if I smoke tonight? I'd like to get some shit off my chest for once."

"Uh... I guess I don't mind. Is it... is it just weed?" Peter got nervous, not wanted to feel stupid in front of Wade.

"Of course, Baby Boy!" Wade laughed a little, but not in a condescending way. " 'm not a crackhead anymore, don't worry."

Peter couldn't stop himself. "Anymore?"

"Yeah..." Deadpool kicked at the sand a little as they were walking. "That was bad. If you're planning on starting something, babe, don't start coke. It's bad." Spidey sensed that the merc didn't want to talk about it anymore, so he let the topic go. The silence was comfortable, though, and they walked, hand in hand, staring into the distance.


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six

One day, ten hours after the disintegration

"It's getting dark, Little Spider." Wade squeezed his hand. "Wanna stop for the night?"

Peter yawned. He was so tired. "Yeah... let's stop."

They both sat on the ground and Peter ran his fingers through the sand.

"Baby Boy," The merc said. "Are you still okay if I smoke?" Spider-Man nodded.

Deadpool unzipped a pocket of their suit and pulled out a glass pipe and a bag of weed. They filled the bowl with precision and experience and lit the dried leaves with a pocket lighter. Wade pushed their mask up and took a deep pull on the pipe. Peter watched the smoke rise into the perfectly still air, and he saw the scarred lips sigh happily.

'Pool grimaced when they saw the Spider watching them. "Sorry, Spidey, they said quietly.

"Why are you sorry?" Peter said, confused.

"Ah... Baby... you don't have to look at my face... I know what it looks like. I know it-" Deadpool said softly, looking away from Peter. "I know it's bad."

Spider-Man felt their pain, their embarrassment. He touched Wade's back, gently and carefully, and felt the mercenary relax under his touch.

"It's not. It's not bad at all, Wade, I wouldn't lie to you." Deadpool looked back at him, biting their lip. Spider-Man felt a deep pull to do something, but he wasn't sure what it was exactly. He decided to be brave.

"C-can I... um..." Peter blushed, horribly.

"What do you need, love?" Wade's voice was low and soft again, but Peter couldn't speak. He signed instead.

 _Do you know ASL?_

Wade gasped, happily, and smiled wide.

 _Of course, I do, Baby. Having trouble speaking?_ They signed.

 _Yeah. Can I sit on your lap?_ Peter was blushing horribly again. _I'm sorry, I mean if you want._

Wade froze. "A-are you serious?" They spoke out loud.

Peter swallowed hard and nodded. He looked at the ground.

 _I'm sorry,_ he signed again. _Forget about it._ Peter wiped a tear quickly away, trying to get a hold of himself.

"No! No, Baby, of course you can! I'm so stupid. I just never thought- God, I'm sorry, honey, c'mere. Can I touch your waist?"

Peter nodded, sniffing. The mercenary held his waist and sat the boy on their lap gently. Deadpool wrapped their arms around him, humming quietly.

 _Thank you,_ Peter signed. _Your skin doesn't bother me, I promise._

Spider-Man felt Wade take a deep breath, and then their hands went from his waist to take off their mask. The mask was thrown a few feet out of the way, and Peter nuzzled his head further into the mercenary's chest. Their hands returned to his waist.

"I'm gonna take another drag, okay love?" Wade's voice was low but sturdy, and Peter could feel it rumble through him now that he was so close. Spider-Man nodded.

Weed didn't smell too bad, Peter realized. It smelled earthy and rough, but he didn't mind.

"What does it feel like?" He whispered, not wanting to ruin the moment.

"Hmm..." Wade thought for a moment. "It feels... floaty. It feels light and curious."

"That was very profound."

"You think so?" They grinned, their teeth flashing in the dark. "I'm flattered, Baby Boy."

After a third, fourth, and fifth drag, the mercenary was rambling on about God and the universe, or something, because their train of thought didn't make much sense to Peter.

"So, like, anyway, that's why I think God is dead. But if they aren't, boy am I in trouble. No lightning? I love storms, babe. I love them a lot. They're so... rainy. And wet. Very wet. I'd like to make you wet. Ah, fuck. I wish it would rain. I'm dizzy. Are you-"

"You'd like to make me -what?" Spider-Man turned to see a sleepy Deadpool.

"Mm, sorry. Didn't mean to say that. You know, when you asked to sit on my lap, I was so happy. Because y'know, consent is so important. I'll always ask before I do something, got it? Consent, babe. Good stuff. Consent. But you probably don't have to ask before you do stuff. I'm like, sixty percent kinky. And there's no way you're that kinky. You're like a thirty-five at most-"

"What?" Peter was blushing way too much.

"Mm, I want another hit." Wade grabbed their bowl and lit it again, taking a long, slow drag. The smoke spiraled out of their nose. "That's better."

"Why do you think I'm not kinky?" Spidey couldn't stop himself.

"I dunno. You're too cute for all that shit. But woah, it would be like, super hot if you turned out kinky. So unexpected. Goddamn. Am I making you uncomfortable? Sorry, Spid-"

"No, no, it's okay."

Wade yawned. "Shit, I'm fuckin' tired, angel. Let's sleep, yeah? Ha, angel's a good name for you. 'S nice." The stoned mercenary was asleep and snoring the second their head was on the sand, so Peter snuggled up next to them, feeling their warmth.

His eyes closed, and he was asleep.


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

Two days, four hours after the disintegration

Peter was getting tired of walking.

Sure, 'Pool was nice to talk to, and cuddle with at night, but the fact was that putting one foot in front of the other was monotonous, especially when he was watching the sand to follow the undisturbed footprints. A windless wasteland had its benefits, at times.

Both Spider-Man and Deadpool were elated when they saw the distant figures resting on the horizon.

"Angel, lemme give you a ride! Let's run to them!" The merc had taken to calling Peter that after being stoned, and Spider-Man wasn't complaining.

"Okay!" Peter hopped onto the anti-hero's back, looping his arms over their shoulders. Their strong arms kept his legs from slipping, and the mercenary began sprinting towards the group ahead of them. Deadpool let out a joyous yell as the pair barreled to the group, and they skidded to a stop right in front of Groot.

"I am Groot!" Yelled Groot.

"He says you frightened him. Welcome, Deadpool, Spider-Man. What brings you here?" T'challa asked.

"Fury kicked me out," the merc said, their smirk visible through their mask. "And Spidey was dumb enough to come with me!" They smiled proudly.

"Fury was a real jerk," Peter supplied. "He drew his guns on us, and then told me to leave Wade alone because they kill people."

"The stress must be taking its toll on him," Vision said sympathetically. "But that is no excuse for the actions you described. You were right to leave, Peter." The cyborg looked at the pair levelly. Spider-Man smiled, relieved.

"How are the others?" Wanda said. She looked much better than before, confidently holding Vision's hand.

"Strange is worried, too, but he won't admit it," Peter slid off of Wade's back and stood next to them. "Starlord is getting back on his feet a bit, and Bucky and Mantis are just quiet. There's still so much grief."

"And Maria Hill is a bitch," Wade added unhelpfully.

Wanda snickered, but Vision's mouth was set in a line.

"How are you two feeling?" T'challa asked gently.

Peter responded with "I've been better," at the same time that Wade said "Just dandy, Cat-Boy!"

T'challa grinned, and even Vision had to crack a smile.

"Making love always diffused the tension for my wife and I," Drax said casually. "Have you-"

"No, actually, it's not like that!" Squeaked Peter, who was blushing furiously. He glanced up at Wade, whose grin was huge.

"Well, I don't know about that, Babe-" they teased.

"Wade!" Peter was about to die of embarrassment.

"Maybe some lovemaking would-"

"I don't want to talk to you right now!" Spider-Man's voice was ten octaves too high, and he left quickly to go clear his head. Everyone was laughing, now, except Drax, who apparently didn't understand any basic humor or sarcasm.

He walked away from them all until he couldn't hear their voices, but so that he could still see the figures. Maybe it was time to get these feelings sorted out. His face felt hot, and even though he wasn't thirsty, he wished he had water.

Peter sat in the warm sand and began piling it in a big mound. Or, he thought, he could just keep the confusing feelings bottled up until they burst. That seemed like the more attractive option, at least for now.

Spider-Man punched the sand and made a significant dent. He pulled his mask out of a pocket and put it on for the first time in two days. Maybe he should keep his guard up with Wade, just for a little while. Peter let the sand run through his fingers, trickling onto his lap. Who knows what Wade felt about him? Were they really just friends? Could they be anything more? Did Peter want that? He didn't know.

A few things were holding Spidey back from really liking Wade. They killed people, for one. And although Peter had said earlier that it didn't matter, he knew he was lying. The thought of Deadpool actually shooting someone, or using their katanas was horrifying. And they killed for money. It was an ethical dilemma, really.

The second thing was the scars. It wasn't that Spider-Man minded them, per say, he just hadn't seen them, except for on Wade's chin. The mercenary was incredibly self-conscious about them, and Peter couldn't help but fear the worst. What if the ones on their chin were smoother than the others? What if Wade never wanted to change in front of him, or wear anything but a full body suit?

The third was the fact that Wade was not mentally stable. Hell, the merc had voices in their head. What if they did something because "White" or "Yellow" told them to? What if they killed someone, or killed Peter, or hurt themself? That was a scary thought.

The fourth thing was that Peter had no idea how old they were. Spider-Man was only 18. Legal, he thought snidely, but would that be enough for Wade? Would it be enough for himself?

Peter supposed the last item on his personal list might be solved if he merely asked the merc how old they were.

He sighed.

"Why do you kill people?" Spider-Man asked the cloudless sky. "Why does anyone kill people?" Peter flopped onto the sandy mound he had previously made and closed his eyes. "I think I like you anyway," he said slowly. It felt so good to talk, to get it out of his system. "You're so-"

He heard a crunch of sand under a boot, and his eyes flew open. He turned quickly to see Wanda, his blush rising to his face. Peter was glad, once again, for his mask.

"I didn't mean to snoop," she said, holding her hands up in defense. "I just wanted to check on you, to see if you're okay."

Peter stiffened, but his Spidey-sense wasn't acting up, so he knew Wanda wasn't a threat. "Um... how much did you, um, hear?"

"Enough to know for sure that you like Deadpool," she paused. "Don't worry, I'm not going to tell him."

"Them," he murmured.

"Them," she corrected. "Do you want to talk about it?" He very much wanted to talk about it.

"I-um, sure, I guess." Peter tried not to sound too eager.

"Okay," Wanda said calmly. "What's bothering you about it?" She came over closer to Spider-Man and sat on the sand in front of him.

"Well, you know, they're older..." Peter was going to take advantage of this free therapy session, goddamnit.

Wanda laughed. "Age gaps don't bother me. Vision is technically three years old."

"Really?"

"Yep. You're eighteen, right?" When Peter nodded, Wanda continued. "And Wade is, what, thirty-ish?"

"Well, I actually haven't asked..."

She laughed again. "You should work on that."

"I know."

"I'm sure its fine, anyway. What else is on your mind?" Wanda said kindly.

"They have voices in their head, and they kill people for money," Peter blurted out.

"The stone used to talk to Vision all the time, Spider-Man," she said carefully. "It didn't make him any less of a partner."

Peter was quiet for a moment. "But Wade's voices tell them to kill people."

"You're afraid they'll hurt you?"

"No, no," Spider-Man said quickly. "I don't know what I'm afraid of."

Wanda hummed in contemplation. "I think that you don't have much reason to believe that the voices have much of an impact on Deadpool's violent tendencies."

"You're probably right," Peter said softly.

"But it's still scary," Wanda added.

"Yeah."

"It was scary to me because I couldn't help Vision. I couldn't see the enemy. I couldn't fight it for him. Does that make sense?"

It made a lot of sense, Peter thought. He nodded.

"I just had to accept it. The voice was his fight, not mine," Wanda stared at the ground. "I wish I could've helped, but I just couldn't."

"Yeah."

"You've sort of reached the end of my expertise. Vision was never a mercenary," she said, somewhat apologetically. "But if I were you, I would talk to him about it."

"Them," Peter muttered.

"Did I say 'him' again? I'm sorry. Them."

"Thanks for the advice," Spider-Man stood up, and Wanda did the same.

"Any time, kid," she smiled at him, and they both began walking back to join the others.


	8. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

Two days, six hours after the disintegration

"Spidey!" Deadpool yelled out, their arms stretched out in the air. "You're back, Baby!"

Peter had to smile at the grinning mercenary. He nodded contentedly.

"Can I have a hug?" Wade asked respectfully. After Peter nodded again, he was enveloped in their crushing embrace. "I'm so sorry. I get carried away, y'know? You were so fun to tease, love, but I didn't mean-"

"Wade- can't- I can't breathe-" The mercenary released him immediately. Peter gasped for air. Deadpool was incredibly strong.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck! See, this is what I mean, Sweet-Cheeks, I get so carried away, I get so goddamn excited, and I didn't mean to make you run away, and fuck, I missed you, but Vision said-"

"Wade," Peter said softly. "It's okay. I was just feeling overwhelmed. Can we go somewhere else to talk?" He whispered, feeling the sideways glances of the other heroes.

"Anything for you. I mean- uh, sure," Deadpool said, and Peter almost missed the way they cursed under their breath afterward.

"I'm not mad at you," Spider-Man said calmly. "I just needed some time alone to process stuff."

Wade sighed with faux annoyance. "I wish I could relate. I need constant attention." They were only half-joking, Peter realized.

A moment passed. "Have you ever been in love?" Spider-Man blurted out.

Deadpool stared at him. "Yes," they said, and their voice was low and serious. "Twice."

Spidey pulled off his mask. "Can you tell me about it?"

"Her name was Vanessa," Wade said after a moment's pause. "She wouldn't shut up, like me." They chuckled softly.

"Sorry," Peter said slowly. "You don't have to talk about it."

"No, it's okay, baby, I want to." Spider-Man didn't know why he shivered at the nickname when Wade had called him so many other names in the past few days. This felt... intimate.

"She was beautiful, love, she was so beautiful. I paid her like two-hundred bucks to just take her out on a date."

"What?"

"She was a prostitute."

"Oh." Peter's jaw dropped.

"That was back before I had all this," They gestured to their face, still covered by the mask. "Right after the army. Dishonorable discharge." Wade laughed. "I was makin' bank from the little guy, Sweetie. I'd rough up a stalker or two and then cash out. That was a good life."

Spider-Man waited for them to continue.

"Cancer sucked ass, baby. I was so scared. I knew I was gonna die, so I left V for the sketchy warehouse that fucked up my face. I hunted those motherfuckers for over a year. I finally had the courage to talk to V, and she accepted me, fucked up face and all."

They swallowed hard. "And then," Wade said quietly, almost a whisper. "After a year, I lost her. Stupid, stupid mistake. I could've... I know, White, I know. Shut up."

Peter took their strong hand and laced their fingers with his. But Wade was okay. They weren't crying; they were calming down with Spider-Man's touch.

"I'm over it, honey, I swear. It's okay. Thanks."

Peter felt something stir in his chest, and before he could question himself, he stretched and kissed Wade on the cheek, over their mask. Wade's reaction was not what he expected, but Peter thought that the merc was so unpredictable that he should stop assuming things from them.

They fell over. Wade was actually swooning. They landed on their back into the sand, their hands covering their mask's eyes.

"Baby..." they groaned.

"Um... Wade? Are you okay? Should I not have-"

The merc sat up quickly, and asked breathlessly, "Can I touch your face?"

Peter nodded, confused, but then sighed involuntarily when their gloved hands glossed over his jaw. One hand left his cheek, and he almost whined at the lack of contact, but it was only so that the merc rip off their mask, their expression one of awe, oddly enough.

"Peter," Wade said, their voice was deep and hazy. "Can I kiss you?"

His breath hitched, and the word was caught in his throat, so he signed instead.

 _Please_ , his hands were sloppy and sluggish. _I need it_.

Wade smirked, just for a moment before brushing their lips across his cheek. Peter twisted his neck to seal the kiss, and Wade's rough skin felt so good under his soft lips. There was no tongue and no fighting for control, It was just Wade, and Peter could feel their heart beating quickly, and their mouth was so incredibly warm. Wade was an exceptional kisser, Peter thought, and he never wanted to stop. It was just so intimate; Peter had never felt a kiss this intimate.

Wade pulled away reluctantly, their eyes still glossy with lust. "Okay?" They asked, breathing hard.

"God," Peter couldn't seem to form sentences. "So good."

Wade grinned, showing teeth, and Peter scooted onto their lap. He pushed his face into their chest to feel Wade's rapid heartbeat. Peter traced light circles over the leather suit and sighed contentedly.

The mercenary ruffled Spider-Man's hair affectionately with one hand, and their other hand traveled to Peter's side. He felt so warm and safe with Wade, and he never wanted to be anywhere else.

Peter started worrying when he realized what had just happened.

"W-Wade?" He said, voice shaky.

"Are you okay, baby?" The merc asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I just- um... how old are you?"

They laughed. "That's what you're worried about, Sweetie?" Peter nodded slightly. "I'm thirty-two."

They shifted nervously. "Baby, as long as you're legal, I'm okay with it," Wade added quickly.

"Okay..." It was only fourteen years. That's not the end of the world, Peter supposed, especially when the kiss was that good.

"I'll never, ever take advantage of you, love, for your age or for any other reason." Wade was sincere.

"I know." Peter did know. He trusted Wade to listen and always ask before they did something. But the age wasn't the biggest hurdle in their relationship (Was it a relationship? What's a relationship?).

"I need to talk to you about something else," Peter said nervously.

"Go for it, babe."

"The only other thing that's holding me back is- well... you kill people. For money. I can't- that's not morally right, in my book."

Wade dropped their hands. "Well, for one, it doesn't seem to be holding you back." They smirked when Spider-Man blushed. "And two, I don't know how else to support myself. I mean, if we were trapped in this heaven forever, I'd never kill again, 'less someone was tryna kill me or you. But on Earth... I just don't know."

"You still think this is heaven?"

"It's a new development, Sweetie. You just let me kiss you. It has to be heaven."

Peter couldn't help grinning.

"I just hope the author will be nice enough to let us stay here for a while..." Wade mused.

"What?"

"You know, of this fic."

"I'm sorry?"

"Never mind. No one ever understands that one." Wade was smiling anyway.

"Maybe I shouldn't blame you for killing people," Peter wondered out loud.

"I'd be okay with that," Wade added unhelpfully.

"Shut up." He playfully slapped their chest. "Everyone's morals are different."

"And I'm stunningly attractive," Deadpool supplied.

Peter chose to ignore that comment, even though he might agree.

"I just... who am I to judge?" He asked. "And you don't kill for nothing, right? It's only people who've done something to another person?"

"Yeah," Deadpool said roughly. "Sex offenders, terrorists, overly-zealous stalkers, murderers: that's pretty much my clientele."

"Oh." That was definitely preferable. "How many...?" Peter couldn't seem to finish that sentence.

"Over two-hundred, now," Wade looked a little nervous. "Forty-one in the army. I've lost count elsewhere."

Spider-Man was beginning to question all of his morals.

"Okay." He said a little breathlessly.

"Okay?" Wade raised his eyebrows. "Does that mean I can kiss you again?"

Peter nodded, and their lips met his own.


	9. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

Two days, ten hours after the disintegration

All they had done for the last three hours was talk and kiss, leaving Peter's lips swollen.

Spider-Man had told Wade everything, all about his life and his family, all about MJ and Gwen. Wade had shared funny stories from then they were in the army.

"One time," they had said, laughing, "Sarg' told us all to get camouflaged, y'know, with leaves and sticks and stuff. But there were all these wildflowers, Petey. So me and a buddy covered ourselves, head to toe, in flowers. We even stuck flowers in our gun barrels! Lemme tell ya, we had to do so many push-ups. It was worth it, though, you shoulda seen his face, Baby!"

Now, it was nearing the sunless sunset, and Peter didn't want to leave Wade, but he also didn't want the other heroes to worry. Deadpool had the solution.

"We're sleeping over here!" They screamed, after telling Peter to cover his ears. "They prolly heard," Wade told him.

A few moments later, Peter was the little spoon, feeling safe and warm from Wade's touch.

"Wade," Peter sighed. "I'd kill for a shower."

"Baby, all I want right now is to be hungry again, and then have a huge plate of chimichangas."

"God," Spider-Man moaned. "Even a Burger. Like, really greasy. Five Guys, maybe."

"And a milkshake," Wade added.

"Yeah, oh my God. I never knew I'd miss eating so much." He groaned again, thinking about all the greasy foods he could be eating.

"Are you getting turned on by food?" The merc asked him, and Peter could hear his teasing grin. "Because those are some pretty noises you're making right now." Deadpool's hand skimmed over his thigh, and Spider-Man shivered despite his embarrassment at their comments.

"N-no! Shut up, Wade," he protested, but he was smiling.

"Can I have a kiss?" The merc asked gently.

"Of course." Peter twisted his head to meet his lips with theirs. Wade's tongue slipped over his lips, asking for entrance, and Peter granted it, opening his mouth for them. Wade's tongue was wet and warm, and all Peter could feel was them, and their teeth and their tongue, and it felt so good, Spider-Man wanted to moan.

When Wade bit his bottom lip, he did moan, and he could feel them smile into a deeper kiss. Their teeth skimmed over Peter's lips, and tongue it was heaven, he swore.

Wade pulled away slowly and reluctantly, kissing Peter's cheeks and chin as they held him tightly.

"Angel," they said between kisses. "As, mm... nice as this, mm, is... mm, I think we should sleep."

"Okay," Peter yawned and snuggled close to Wade again. His eyelids were heavy, and his eyes slipped shut, and he was content.


	10. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Three days after the disintegration

Peter had lost track of time, so he decided only to count the days. He was awake, as usual, before Deadpool, but this time he decided to wake them.

"Wade," he whispered, touching their shoulder gently. "Wake up."

The merc groaned and rolled over into their back. "I'm up, mom, I'm up!" They shoved their face into the sand, falling back asleep.

"Wade!" Peter said urgently.

"Peter?" The merc sat up quickly. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just wanna do stuff today." Peter blushed at their concern.

Deadpool visibly relaxed. "Like what?" They asked flirtatiously. "More make-out sessions with yours truly, the sexiest-"

"No," Peter responded. "Well, maybe. But that's not what I had in mind."

'Pool raised an eyebrow.

"I want you to show me how to fight."

"Really?" Wade's eyes widened in delight. "Why? Oh wait, you were never trained! I forgot. Yeah, Baby Boy, I'd love to show you some moves."

Peter grinned. "Could we also get T'challa to help? I'd die to be trained by Deadpool and the Black Panther."

"Whatever you want, Angel."

Peter helped Wade to their feet, and they raced each other to the figures ahead of them, with Deadpool winning, just barely.

"I almost beat you, 'Pool," Spider-Man coughed, out of breath from the sprint. "Next time you won't be so lucky."

"T'challa!" The merc wheezed. "Spidey wants us to teach 'im how to fight!"

"Spider-Man, is this true?" T'challa strode up to Peter elegantly.

"Yeah," Peter said. "Um, I mean, yes, sir."

The Black Panther laughed. "Please, do not be formal with me. I am no king here." He continued. "I would be honored to assist in your training, Peter, but I must ask: why do you need training?"

"Um..." Peter was unreasonably embarrassed. "I was never formally trained?" The statement came out like a question.

"You are surprisingly skilled for your lack of training," T'challa commented. "You would make a good student."

 _T'challa: smash or pass_ , Wade signed.

Peter giggled. _You first_ , he signed back.

 _Totally smash. Please answer_. Wade was grinning and signing fast.

 _Smash_ , Peter signed quickly.

 _Maybe we could have a threesome?_ Wade laughed out loud at their own joke.

 _In your dreams_ , Peter responded.

"Ahem," T'challa drew the attention of the giggling heroes. "I'm assuming you didn't know I knew ASL?" He was trying hard not to laugh.

 _Fuck_ , Wade signed. _He knows_.

"Stop it, Wade!" Peter's face was bright red, but he was still laughing. He turned to the king. "I am so sorry."

"I am flattered, but I do have a woman at home." T'challa couldn't help the laugh that escaped his mouth.

"Damnit, does that mean you're straight, then?" Wade grinned.

"Not necessarily. M'baku is very handsome." T'challa smiled.

"Fuck yeah! Let's form a pride club or something! I'm Deadpool; I'm pansexual and agender-"

"Wade, can I learn how to fight, now?" Peter was smiling.

"Of course! I got off track again."

T'challa dragged the toe of his boot in the sand to make a lopsided circle.

"First rule of fight club," Wade started jokingly. "Is to never talk about fight club, baby."

Peter groaned at the bad joke. He was so excited to learn and spar with Deadpool and Black Panther.

"Deadpool," T'challa said. "I would love to see your skill level, too. Shall we spar first, no weapons?"

"Fuck yeah! I'mma best your ass, Cat-Boy!" They unsheathed their katanas and pulled out more guns than Peter thought was possible to fit in the tight leather suit. Deadpool handed him their katanas and what Peter assumed was their favorite gun. "Guard these with your life, angel. Can't risk losing my babies," they winked, and Peter thought it was a little disturbing that Wade equated weapons with children.

They cracked their knuckles, grinning widely at the Black Panther, whose smile was reserved. After all the weapons were removed, the two fighters stood on different sides of the circle.

Deadpool rushed first, executing a beautiful spinning kick to the Panther's side. T'challa got a grazing mark on his side before he dodged it. Deadpool landed, off-balance, and T'challa threw a perfect uppercut to the mercenary's chin.

"Oof, is that all ya got, Pussy Cat?" They lifted their mask monetarily to spit out a tooth and a wad of blood and saliva, then quickly punched Panther in the gut, making him lurch backward. Peter gasped as 'Pool flew through the air to kick him, but T'challa was too fast and grabbed their leg, throwing their body to the ground. He rushed to pin the merc, successfully doing so. Wade punched him once more on his arm, hard, but the Black Panther held his makeshift headlock fast, choking Deadpool, who was now weak from lack of air.

"You're- s-s-trong," Wade wheezed out, still being choked. "That's kind of-f a turn on- fuck!" Panther punched them hard in the gut.

"Are you finished, Deadpool?" T'challa asked calmly. Wade couldn't speak anymore, so they held up a weak thumbs up, and the Panther released them immediately.

'Pool gagged and coughed, but they were grinning happily. Peter couldn't help but run to them.

"Wade, are you okay?"

The merc laughed into a fit of coughing, and then said, "Baby, I can't die! I'm always okay." They laughed some more, and Peter relaxed. "T'challa, you're good at that, fuck."

"You were too aggressive, Deadpool," the king responded. "Learn your defense."

"Says the guy who got punched in the face in, like, the first minute," the merc retorted, smiling.

"Peter, would you like to be next?" T'challa asked. Peter nodded, though he was a little nervous.

"Fuck, wait," Deadpool protested. "You can't hurt him."

"I would never seriously injure anyone in ritual combat, Deadpool. Peter has the ability to stop the fighting at any moment." T'challa had on a lopsided smile.

"I just... fuck. Give him a safe word, or something." Wade was clearly distressed, but Peter didn't understand why.

"Wade," Spider-Man said quietly. "What's wrong? I can handle getting hurt."

The merc was agitated. "Please, Baby, just a safe word, please? What about 'red'?"

"Okay," Peter relented, watching 'Pool's nervous body language.

" 'Red' it will be, then. Let's spar, Peter," said the king.

"Go get 'em, tiger." Wade looked much calmer now.

Spider-Man turned his focus towards the fight and observed Black Panther's body language as he walked to the other side of the circle.

"Remember, no weapons," said T'challa calmly. Peter nodded, his hands shaking in anticipation.

And then the Panther was lunging at him, and Peter flipped and turned, and barely dodged the hit. He could feel his heart racing, and a surge of adrenaline went through him as he tried to kick T'challa, but the king threw him aside as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Spider-Man lost his balance, and just as he was regaining it, the king landed a wicked punch to his jaw.

"Agh..." he groaned in pain, but he retaliated, throwing an elbow to the other man's neck. It landed, but Peter barely had time to feel triumphant before T'challa flipped him completely over, and ouch, that one hurt, and the breath was knocked out of him, and he was disoriented and on his back in the sand. Peter gasped, trying to stand again, but he couldn't catch his breath fast enough. The king ran around him and threw his head in a headlock.

"R-red!" Peter squeaked, and T'challa let go of him as quickly as he could. Wade was already sprinting over to them. They pushed the Black Panther out of the way, lightly, but hard enough that he got the message and took a few steps back, his hands raised defensively.

Deadpool's hands shook as they came closer to Peter.

"Baby, can I hold you?" Their voice was hushed.

"No, Deadpool, I'm fine," Peter said, irritated. "This isn't the worst pain I've been through." He frowned.

The merc looked sad, but Spider-Man held fast. He finally got up, and his breathing began to even out.

"Peter," T'challa said quietly. "Do you want to spar with Deadpool, now? I'm sure you could learn a lot from them as well."

'Pool was still somewhat sulky, but their mood brightened immediately after hearing their correct pronouns. "Is that a they/them I heard? From someone other than Peter?" They smiled a little, and then skipped over and kissed the king on the cheek, over both of their masks.

Peter's face burned, and he felt horribly sick to his stomach. "I... I think I'm done for the day."

"Of course, Peter," T'challa tried to make him feel a little better and then turned to Wade. "Deadpool, that was inappropriate. Please don't do it again."

"Sorry," The merc muttered, turning away. "Shoulda asked first."

Peter was tired of being treated like a child; Wade needed to know their limits.

His reasoning, though, didn't stop the twist of guilt that knotted in his stomach when Wade wandered off, looking distinctly upset and out of place.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

Four days after the disintegration

Vision and T'challa had been talking late last night, and Peter only heard them because he couldn't sleep. He was cold without Wade next to him, holding him tightly.

Wade was not doing well. They had been wandering around late last night talking to White and Yellow, cursing and trying not to shout. Peter felt so goddamn guilty, but he really didn't want to face the mercenary. Now, early in the morning, Deadpool was asleep, and Peter was watching them like a creep.

Wanda had tried to interact with him earlier. Spider-Man had waved her off, still upset. If Wade treated him like he was a fragile child, then there was no one who wouldn't, he reasoned.

Vision came over, almost gliding across the sand. Peter frowned, but he allowed the cyborg to sit near him.

"Spider-Man," Vision said. "T'challa and I have decided that it is best for us to rejoin the others. This is a vast and most likely infinite wasteland, and we should find nothing if we stay apart."

Peter shook his head. "But Vision," He said, worry seeping into his voice. "Deadpool got kicked out. They can't go back."

The cyborg sat next to him. "Peter, T'challa and I will do what we can to convince the other party that Deadpool should be allowed back. And, if not, I'm sure they'd be all right on their own."

"Okay."

"Peter, one more thing," Vision said. "You really should talk to them. Deadpool is... very distressed over the situation between you two."

Peter grimaced. "Fine." He turned away from Vision, and the cyborg got the message and left.

Peter steeled himself and wandered over to see the mercenary, who was sitting alone away from the rest of the group. He tried not to think about how good it felt to kiss them.

Deadpool didn't even notice Spider-Man coming closer. Apparently, they were engrossed in their own thoughts and conversation with the voices.

"Ay, fuck off, Yellow, I ain't jokin' this time. I'll blow my fuckin' brains out just to get you to shut your goddamn mouth, prick."

Peter stopped. "Wade," he said softly as if any small noise would startle the merc.

"Fuck! Pete, I'm sorry, I'm so goddamn sorry..." their voice cracked a little.

"Wade," Peter repeated. "You were gonna kill yourself?"

Wade's mask's eyes went wide. "No! Baby, I can't die, 'member? I just..." they scratched the back of their neck, clearly uncomfortable. "It shuts the voices up for a while. It's a... trick I learned."

Peter stared at them. "Wade, I'm sorry, too. I just don't wanna be treated like a kid anymore."

"I know, Webs, I know, and I was stupid enough to think that Puss would hurt you and that you could get hurt that easy... God, I'm so fuckin' dumb-"

"You're not dumb, Wade."

Deadpool laughed. "That's nice of you."

"I'm serious."

Wade looked at him with an expression he didn't recognize, especially through the mask.

 _Baby,_ they signed. _Please come closer._

"Having trouble speaking, Wade?" Peter asked, but he went over closer to them anyway. He sat in front of the merc on the rust-colored sand and looked at them levelly.

 _It's even harder when you're close like this_ , Wade signed, and Peter's heart skipped a beat. He pulled off his mask, and Wade discarded theirs.

 _Remember those times when I'd follow you around on your patrol?_ Deadpool's hands moved fast. _And you'd get so fucking annoyed with me?_ They grinned.

"Of course I remember," Peter nearly whispered.

 _I liked you even then,_ they signed slowly.

"Really?"

 _Really, baby boy._

Peter covered his mouth with his hands, breathing out slowly.

 _Please,_ Wade signed. _Let me kiss you again. Please._

Peter pushed their drawn-up knees aside and crawled on top of the mercenary to meet their lips with his. Wade's hands went immediately to his hips, their thumbs pressing into bone, and they kissed him with an intensity Peter had never felt. Their tongue flicked over his lips, and he swore he saw heaven.

Wade broke the kiss but left a trail of small ones to Peter's ear, and he shivered at the merc's rough lips on his skin.

"Angel," Wade nearly growled into his ear. "We can do whatever you wanna do, but Jesus Christ, do I want to be on top of you right now."

Peter let out a low sound of approval and nodded, letting Wade flip him so that he was on his back in the sand. The merc hovered over him and kissed his neck under his chin.

"Wade..." Peter groaned, feeling needier than he ever had. He was hard from just kissing.

"God, Angel, if you say the words I'd fuck you right here, with those noises you're making."

Peter moaned again at the words, but he retained his self-control. "No, I don't want-"

He stopped when Wade immediately got off of him and whined at the loss of contact.

"What don't you want, Angel?" They said quickly.

"I just... I just don't want to sleep with you... Please kiss me again..." Peter had trouble getting the words out.

"Anything." And Wade went back on top of him, and they kissed him on his neck again.

"You look so pretty, Angel," Wade said lowly and kissed him again. "Are you already turned on for me?"

Peter blushed and pulled the merc closer so he could bury his face in their shoulder. He nodded.

"Wanna know a secret, baby?" Wade smiled into another kiss, and Peter nodded again. "I am, too."

Peter pushed his lips onto theirs again and ghosted his hands over Wade's toned chest.

"Wade," Peter said contentedly after he broke the kiss. "I just wanna sleep next to you tonight."

"Mm," Wade murmured happily. "That sounds amazing."

Peter assumed his little spoon position, and Wade warmed his back behind him. They both fell asleep immediately.


	12. Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

Five days after the disintegration

Peter awoke with a warm body holding him tightly. He looked over and saw that the mercenary was awake, too.

"Mornin' babe," Wade sighed happily. "Is it creepy that I was watching you sleep?"

"Only a little," Peter smiled and kissed them on the cheek.

"Angel, I know this is kinda fast, but I wanna make this real."

Peter was confused. "What?"

"Will you be my boyfriend?" Wade looked hopeful, but a little nervous.

"Oh! Oh, uh... Yeah. Yeah, I'll be your boyfriend." Peter laughed a little, and Wade apparently couldn't stop themself from grinning.

"What do... What do I call you?" Peter asked. "Not girlfriend or boyfriend, right?"

"Partner works. Or bae. Or boo. Or lover. Or sexiest motherfu-"

"Partner is great." Peter stopped them on that endless train.

"Of course, boyfriend." They winked.

The two of them cuddled for a little while longer before Peter spoke.

"We're leaving today, I think. Did they tell you that?"

"Leaving? Those absolute easy-bake oven fuckers didn't tell me nothin'."

"Easy-bake oven?" Peter asked.

"That's like, the worst insult. After wet socks," Wade informed him. "Nobody has ever liked an easy-bake oven."

"You're right."

"Any-who," Deadpool said. "Where are we headin' to?"

Peter frowned. "Back to where we came from."

"God-fucking-christ! Shit-birds! But they're so goddamn lame."

"I know, I'm sorry, I don't know what to do about it."

"Ah, don't worry 'bout it, baby. S' not your fault." They sighed. "It's my fault for getting kicked out."

"Yeah," Peter agreed. "But if Strange hadn't gone off on you like that... I think it was a joint effort."

"And Fury's so goddamn pissy!" Wade added. "I worked for him for, like, a day. And yeah, I lied about knowing how to fly a jet. Yeah, I took it out on a mission that definitely didn't need it. And yeah, I wrecked it real bad, but he didn't have to punch me in the face before he fired me!"

"You... You did that?" Peter was laughing.

"I've been 'round the block a few times, Angel," Deadpool said, laughing a little.

"God, that's hilarious. I guess that's why he hates you so much."

"Well..." The merc said, grinning. "I wouldn't say that's the only reason."

They both laughed some more and then got up to go and talk to T'challa and Vision. Before they left, Deadpool spoke again.

"Baby, how would you feel 'bout telling the others of our 'lationship? I'd love to shout it from every rooftop, but if ya don't wanna, I understand."

Peter breathed deeply. "Well," he said slowly. "I think they already know since they could probably see us from where they were, or at least our silhouettes. So I think I'm okay with that."

Deadpool smiled sheepishly. "Oops."

Peter shrugged, and they both put on their masks.

"Can I hold your hand?" The merc asked.

Peter grabbed their hand instead of responding, and the couple walked towards the rest of the group, 'Pool singing softly along the way.

"Oh I, got that somethin', I think you'll understand," They sang. "When I, feel that somethin', I wanna hold your hand. I wanna hold your ha-a-and! I wanna hold your hand."

Peter smiled and glanced up at the singing merc.

"And when I touch you I feel happy, inside. It's such a feelin' that, my love, I can't hide." They sang, pointing at Spider-Man whenever it made sense within the song.

They reached the rest of the group, who were all just waking up.

"Glad to see you back, Deadpool." T'challa came striding up to meet them. The merc just grinned and glanced down at their clasped hands.

"Congratulations, you two." The king nodded at their hands, and then said: "We will be leaving very shortly." He turned away, apparently to talk with Vision. Wade looked down at Peter (a little over 6'2" is a full seven inches taller than his slight 5'7" frame) to see him blushing. They ruffled their boyfriend's hair affectionately, and Peter edged closer to them, pushing his head to their side. Wade draped their arm over his shoulders, and the two of them stayed like that, waiting for the others to awaken.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

Wade's point of view

Sometime after the disintegration. To Wade, it felt like three hours and a year simultaneously.

I stared happily down at my baby's face. God, he's so adorable. He's -oh shit! He's pushing his face in my chest. God.

 _Our chest_ , Yellow snarled, ruining the moment. _S' not jus' yer body, dumbass._

I gritted my teeth, trying not to reply out loud.

 _Did I miss somethin'?_ White woke up.

Please, guys, c'mon, let's keep this moment. It's so fucking nice, see? Look at Webs, he's so cute!

 _Yeah_ , Yellow agreed. _Why would 'e ever wanna be with an ugly motherfucker like us?_

C'mon, Yellow, you know I agree with you, but just...let me have this moment. Please.

 _Fine_. Yellow coughed. _But for the record, you said that about the last twelve moments._

White began laughing maniacally, so I flicked the side of my head to shut her up. She growled at me, but let me be.

Back in the land of the sane, Petey was watching Pussy-Boy talk to the other members of our group. Looks like we're leaving now.

 _No shit, Sherlock_ , Yellow retorted. I could hear him yawn.

Please shut up, guys. I'm begging you. Jesus.

Petey unwound himself from my arms and grasped my hand. He's so little, and tiny, and cute...

 _Fuck him!_ White yelled. She was always yelling. _Fuckhimfuckhimfuck-_

Okay, thanks, that will be all. Mercifully, she shut her stupid trap, and Petey and I walked hand in hand with the rest of the group. The day stretched out ahead of us, and God knew it was gonna be a long one. I glanced over and saw that my tiny boyfriend was looking at me and biting his irresistible lip.

"What is it, love?" I asked, and he blushed and looked away. The voices weren't gone when I was with him, but they sort of faded away into the background. All my attention needed to be on him and his divine glory.

"Nothing, Wade."

Nothing?

"Baby..." I whined.

 _He thinks you're disgusting_ , hissed Yellow, but I ignored the box.

"I just- you look- well, you just look good right now." Petey stuttered adorably. I'm sure I made the biggest heart eyes.

I stopped walking. "Can I pick you up, baby boy?" When he nodded, I lifted him in front of me, his legs wrapping around my waist. My arms wrapped around his back, to keep him from falling, and he giggled. Adorable.

I kept walking, but I just stared at his perfect, unmasked face.

"Wade," he said quietly. "Lemme kiss you."

I hesitated. "Are you sure, Baby?" I asked. I was stupidly worrried about my scars, and the rest of the group seeing. Dumbass.

 _No kidding_ , mumbled Yellow.

 _Please_ , Peter signed, and I lost any self-control that I had left. I yanked up my mask and tried not to crash my scarred lips to his pretty ones too fast.

Whenever we've kissed, I swear to God, everything melts away. The boxes, my scars, his nervousness. It's so goddman cliche, but there it is.

And then I'm an idiot, because I'm laughing at how different my baby is from Vanessa. I felt Petey frown under me.

"What's so funny?" He was upset. Fuck, he thought I was laughing at him.

"Baby, I'm sorry, I just thought it was funny how different you were from V."

He frowned again. "In what way?" I gripped his legs tighter, trying to word this right, trying not to fuck this up.

"V was... V was loud. She was sarcastic and bitchy and hilarious. We worked because she matched how talkative I am," I said carefully. I didn't want to compare my ex with my current boyfriend. It just sounded like a recipe for disaster. "You're so... You're not that at all. We work because..." Yikes. I was a fucking sap. I glanced at Petey to make sure I wasn't overstepping anything, but he seemed eager to hear more. "We work because we balance each other out. Okay, that's cliche. Fuck this dumbass author. Like, you're quiet, and I'm loud, and I make you louder, and you make me shut the fuck up."

 _Maybe you should consider shutting the fuck up now_ , Yellow snarled.

 _Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!_ White piped up. _Fuckfuckfuck!_

Guys, please. Shhh.

 _Yes, Yellow_ , White said ironically. _This is a good moment. We need to pay attention._

"Really?" Peter gave me a small smile. "You think we work well together?"

I almost wheezed. Jesus. There's been unlimited chemistry, we've resolved our fights in hours, and I wanted to tell the kid I loved him after, like, five days. Oops. Wasn't supposed to say that. Ignore that, reader.

I just raised my eyebrows. "You don't?" He was blushing. Goddamnit. I just wanted to... God. There were so many things I wanted to do to him. More than a few included fucking.

He shook his head quickly. "No! It's just...affirming to hear it from you." I kissed his forehead. I was still carrying him as I walked slowly, slightly apart from the group. He was so light, it didn't even bother me, but that might've been partly because his pretty thighs were wrapped around my waist. What can I say? I have a dick.

"Wade?" Peter said softly. Focus, Deadpool.

"Yes, baby boy?"

"What- uh, sorry to ruin the moment. But I'm afraid of what Fury and the others will do when we get there. What do you think?"

I felt my chest tighten. "I think," I couldn't help gritting my teeth a little. "I think that if that bastard even looks at you the wrong way-after that stunt he pulled- I'm gonna chop him in half."

He froze. Shit. Maybe that was too harsh.

 _Idiot_ , Yellow murmured.

"Uh... I mean... Fuck. I'll make sure he doesn't attack anyone?" I grimaced. It was definitely too much.

 _You'd kill for me?_ Peter signed, his mouth still slightly parted from shock.

"I- well- I'm trying to hold the killing back, 'cause my boyfriend ain't a fan. But that just kinda slipped out." I grasped desperately at any humor to diffuse the situation. To my surprise, it seemed to work, and his face returned to a slight smile.

"But you would. You'd kill for me, wouldn't you?" Peter was acting so weird. What the fuck was going on in his head?

 _What's going on in yours?_ Yellow rasped. I ignored him.

"Well- I don't know..." I lied, and then felt bad for lying to my boyfriend. "Yeah. I- uh... I'd kill for you. Sorry." Jesus Christ. I'm a train wreck today.

"Why are you sorry?" Peter frowned. "That's like, the most romantic thing you've said."

What? What? What?

 _What?_ White yelled.

"But, Petey, or the alien that is currently inhabiting his body, you hate killing!" I protested. "Like you hate it! You almost wouldn't kiss me!"

He looked away. "Yeah, but babe, if you really feel that way, then of course I'm gonna take it... I dunno. It made sense at the time."

I stared at him. "Did you just call me babe?"

"Uh- what? No! I would never." He was blushing for like, the millionth time today. He must blush every two minutes.

I kissed him. I didn't ask first, but I knew he wanted it. He was so fidgety. I knew I had guessed right when he leaned in close and slipped his tongue into my mouth.

I took control of the kiss and moved my mouth on top of his, so that my teeth could bite that precious lip. I did, and he sighed in pleasure. I kept his lower lip between my teeth and rolled it carefully, making sure it didn't hurt too much. I got a real moan for my efforts, and it went straight to my dick. I love rewards.

I cupped his ass, making sure I was slow enough so that he could get me off at any time, but he just wiggled it a little, and I was so goddamn turned on.

I kissed his cheek and gave up on walking. We could catch up to the group later. Now was all about him, the ethereal being on top of me. I flipped us so that he was placed gently into the sand on his back, and I hovered over him to kiss his neck. He squirmed, and I relished in his slight embarrassment.

"Can I," I was breathing so hard, just from kissing. "Can I pin your hands above your head?" I asked. "I like- I like the control. You can tell me to stop any-"

"I know," his face was flushed, and he was nearly panting. "I know you'll stop if I want you to. Please, pin them."

"Remember the safeword you used with T'challa?" I mumbled. "Red? Use that if you're done." He nodded and I took both of his hands in one of mine and put them above his head. I felt him test my strength, but I held fast. With my other hand, I grabbed his jaw and kissed him, and now I was completely in control, and he was opening up to me, and my dick was loving it.

My hand travelled down his body towards his thighs, and I watched his face carefully as I brushed the skin directly beneath his stomach. He shut his eyes tightly, twisting his body in aggravation.

"I'm gonna touch you, okay, baby?" I managed to speak, and he nodded, biting his lip and still shutting his eyes.

I only hesitated for a moment before I palmed him through his Spidey suit. He was hard, and that fact turned me on even more.

"Wade..." His face contorted, and I got slightly concerned.

"Baby," I said softly. "Are you sure you want this?" I saw a tear slide down his cheek. "Red." I said loudly, releasing his hands immediately.

"I'm sorry!" He put his face in his hands, upset. "I've... I've never-"

It took every once of self control I had not to touch him. "Please, baby, don't be sorry. You weren't ready. I'm just worried you won't use your safe word if you need to."

"C-can you hold me?" God, there was nothing I wanted to do more. I gathered his shaking frame into my arms and held him close.

"You didn't- you didn't cum. I'm sorry-" He stuttered.

"I'll live. It's a hard-on. I've had them before." It ached, but I wasn't about to make my boy feel worse.

"But I- I want you to cum."

What?

"What?"

"I wanted you to feel good- I'm sorry-" He was so cute. He cared about me getting off. He cared.

"If you're that intent on it," I mused (What? He was offering!) "There are ways of getting the job done that don't involve sex. In fact, I wasn't planning on giving you anything more than a blowjob today." I continued when I saw the intimidated look on his face. "Baby, what I'm saying is, you're so goddamn sexy, I could easily get off by touching myself to your voice."

He looked embarrassed, but intrigued.

"Only if you want, of course." I added. I liked where this was going.

"Okay." I looked at him carefully. He seemed really okay with it.

"Safeword still applies, baby." He nodded and I took off my gloves and unzipped my suit enough to pull my dick out. Petey and I were lying on the sand, face up.

"Wade..." He murmured near my ear. "You're... You're big." I groaned at that and wrapped my hand around my dick.

"Fuck... Say more shit like that," I begged him and began touching myself.

"You're- you're really hot. I was staring at you today, when you asked me what was wrong. I can't- I can't keep my eyes off you."

It was really embarrassing how close I was already. But that voice... Jesus. I rubbed harder.

"More," I moaned.

"All the little things you've done, Wade. I- every pet name affects me now. You saying it is just- it's just insane. How low and s-sexy your voice is to me..."

"I'm close already," I panted, not really wanting this to end.

"When you bite my lip, it feels so-"

I came, and I swear it was the sexiest thing I've ever experienced. I've had a lot of sex, and that was better than all of it. I let out a whiny noise, and then a groan, and I was spent. I turned to look at Peter, who was staring at me in awe.

"Okay?" I asked him.

"Yeah..." He trailed off and didn't take his eyes off of me. I smirked and zipped up my suit before kissing him again, making sure to bite his lip.


	14. SUPER IMPORTANT NOTE- MOVING STORY

**VERY IMPORTANT**

 **I will be deleting this acc, bc I finally got on archive of our own. THIS STORY WILL BE GONE!**

 **If you want to keep reading, my new acc is set up: gooey_world**

 **lowkey sucks so I'll be on my new acc.**

 **I'll continue with new chapters & such there. Expect regular updates.**

 **Thanks for reading!**


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